was doomed, even though you inscribed toujours on
the poetry book you bought me for my birthday.
Never mind that if you’d died I wouldn’t have been listed
in your obit as next of kin. I don’t have much use for jewelry.
You arrived (after six years in the Navy, threatening to re-up
if I didn’t take you in)—with a reel-to-reel tape recorder
and a Gibson, could fingerpick, play blues and slide like an angel,
do a bang-up Peggy Sue like a reincarnated Buddy Holly.
Before long, you’d charmed all the girls. So the day I saw you
fasten the clasp on Kristine’s necklace, your kiss on her neck
like the asp that bit Cleopatra—your bad, my ouch—I knew you
weren’t even sure you liked girls, so it wasn’t supposed to matter—
the last or the next or Ken’s head in your lap while we watched
re-runs of Star Trek, not even your trembling confession that you
caught up where you’d left off six years before with my sister.
You started each day with a quart of Genessee, once came home
so pissed you actually pissed in the fireplace, wrestling with me
when I tried to steer you to the bathroom. We finally found
a cheap Victorian to rent, but we couldn’t afford the heat.
And the waterbed exploded in the night like a bomb.
When I hear “Who Do You Love,” I will always think of you
and wonder if you are alive, and, if you are, where you are living.